What other people think of you is none of your business

I’ve heard this once or twice over the years, but when I heard it again the other day I added it to my personal favourite maxims list. What other people think of you is none of your business. It’s just brilliant.

If you’re a little confused, the message is that what other people think of you often says more about them than it does about you. We each have our own set of filters, our own unique glasses through which we see the world. Accordingly, how we perceive and interpret things is coloured by our own biases and experiences.

No matter how hard we try to please other people, there is always going to be someone that is still complaining, someone with whom we still don’t see eye to eye. How many of us have turned ourselves inside out trying to please that one person? It might be someone prominent in our lives that we love dearly, like our parents or siblings. Maybe it’s a particularly disgruntled customer or a perennially grumpy next door neighbour.

Whoever it is that is causing you so much angst, take a time out from trying to please them  and spend some time analysing why your audience is so tough. If may be as straightforward as good, old-fashioned jealousy or a lack of self-esteem on their part.  

The problem is that if we spend all our time and effort trying to please other people we run the risk of becoming someone we’re not. We may also become resentful and bitter in the process. As soon as you become bitter and resentful, it’s you who has lost out, not anyone else.

Now ask yourself whether the effort you’re putting into the relationship is worth it? We all love to hear that others like us or that we make other people happy, but we shouldn’t believe our happiness hinges on the approval of another party. True happiness comes from the inside, not the outside.

Do your best work. Be courteous and considerate. Treat others with dignity and respect. If that’s still not enough, be satisfied knowing that you did your best. Consider the source and let it go.

Who do you want to be?

Going through some old notes recently I found an exercise that I did for a course a while back. The exercise was to write your own eulogy, twice. The first eulogy is for you, now. The second eulogy would be given in a number of years’ time, assuming you live a long life and die of old age. Next, compare the two eulogies. How are you tracking? Is there an alignment or a disconnect between your life now and how you want to be remembered?

When the exercise is done honestly, it can be very confronting. There is a huge variety of ways that people want to be remembered. Some people want to be remembered for serving others through volunteering with charities or work in the church. Some people want to be remembered for their successful business or writing a book or a song. Other people want to be remembered for being someone who could always make other people laugh or who others would turn to in times of crisis.

There are also just as many ways that people don’t want to be remembered. Always at work and never at home with the family. Self-centred and demanding. Lazy, never quite reaching  their potential. Leaving behind a pile of bad debts.

So, who do you want to be?

It’s up to you. If you’ve got changes to make, make them. You are who you choose to be.